Reconciling the past few days reveals the meaning of bittersweet.
We blinked and our baby became a young woman. She turned 18 on Friday. We moved her into her dorm at Oklahoma State University on Monday.
We hustled to park in the loading zone right at the start of our 30 minute window. We hustled to find carts to load all the stuff from the cars to the carts and then quickly unpack all the stuff in the dorm and return the carts and move the cars.
We met Peanut’s roommate and her parents. With all the craziness we see in our world, Jason and I breathed a “thank you Jesus” because they seemed normal. That is an answer to prayer. We didn’t get to meet the other two roommates, but so far so good.
We grabbed lunch then a food and supply run at Walmart and then back to the dorm to unload everything. Jason gave all the advice a father would give his daughter and a long hug. We took pictures in front of the dorm building. We left to grab Starbucks before we hopped on the road and got a call from a strange number. It was Peanut calling on her roommate’s phone because I had Peanut’s phone in my purse. We drove back to give her the phone and got on the highway. We picked up Brutus from doggy daycare and got home.
This is when it sunk in.
Our baby who is not a baby anymore is gone. Not gone gone, but gone from under our roof, gone from everyday interactions. And if I am being honest, she was gone before she actually left. She was ready for this next season of her life. The question is ….are we?
Jason and I began unpacking a little of the heaviness in our hearts. We realize just how blessed we are. God chose us to be the parents of two extraordinary human beings. For all our faults, we could have ruined them. We didn’t start seeking God and putting Him in the center of our relationships and lives and household until 15 years into our marriage. The children were in middle school by then. But God. Look at what He can do. Look at what He did with our babies. Jason and I have no business taking credit for that. The glory of the good fruits we see in our babies go to God alone. Jason and I weren’t always good stewards of the blessings He gave us, but for the little time we finally got it right, our change of heart and efforts did not return void. We are so grateful for this.
Our house may be empty but our hearts are full – full of tears, hearty laughter, gratitude, beautiful memories, joy, and lots of love.
The next season for me and Jason will include a different kind of parenting, more akin to coaching, consulting, and troubleshooting. We pray our children make their faith their own and don’t just grow, but thrive.
Peanut, we watched you blaze trails in high school and can’t wait to see what you do with your time in college. We are so proud of you.
We love you.
Now go get ’em. Go pokes!
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