My water broke at 34 weeks of gestation on August 11, 2005. I was driven to the hospital by my neighbor’s husband because Jason had just left for field training the day before. Isabel was born by c-section at 1408 hrs weighing 5 lbs. 8 oz. She came out in silence and was whisked away to the nursery. Isabel struggled to breathe which is no surprise at 34 weeks. They took me to my room and told me I had orders for bedrest. I told the nurse that I was going to see my baby with or without her help or permission. When I saw Isabel, my heart broke, she had a bipap taped to her face and looked so incredibly tiny and delicate compared to her girthy 9lb brother. I couldn’t keep her in my room, she needed to be watched closely. They wouldn’t allow me to feed her, she lost 12% of her birth weight (which is not good), she suffered numerous pokes and prods including two spinal taps.
I was not Christian at the time, but I looked up to the only one who I knew could do anything for our baby girl. The hospital chapel was small and a welcome change from the hospital room I was staying in. I was drowning in guilt and blamed myself for what Isabel was going through. “I should have fought the doctors to keep her inside just a couple more weeks to allow her lungs to mature.” “I shouldn’t have picked up Andito so much while I was pregnant”.
I prayed and pleaded for God to not allow Isabel to suffer for my “poor” judgement. The tears flowed as I desparately clamored for hope. Bearing witness to our baby suffering broke me and brought me to my knees. My prayers were clumsy, fertive, and anguished. I promised God that I would forsake anything and everything in my life and do whatever He wanted so long as my baby girl was healthy and thrived. I begged God. And I fully meant it. I would have done anything. Nothing else mattered except Isabel’s health and wellbeing.
For the next 2 weeks I stayed with Isabel in the hospital and did the skin to skin care as often as they would allow me to. I sang her a spanish lullaby:
“Duermete mi nina, duermete mi sol, duermete pedazo de mi corazon”
She went home on an apnea monitor that saved her life twice. I felt like a walking circus every time I stepped out of the house with my children. Isabel was premature and at risk for so many things, but she not only survived, she thrived and was overall healthy. She looked up to her brother and tried to keep up with him.
God answered my prayers in spades. Not only did Isabel remain healthy and thrived, she is blessed with many gifts. I went on turning my back to God. As life went along, I fully forgot those furtive prayers to God. I stiffed God. I didn’t keep my end of the bargain. I didn’t do what God would want. I never learned about his son Jesus. I didn’t turn to God fully, to serve Him and His will. Isabel and her brother didn’t learn about Jesus either.
It took me over 11 years to finally hold up to my end of the bargain. I am finally basking in God’s light and our children are learning to have an engaged relationship with God. When I remembered my grave transgression – I asked for forgiveness and will spend the rest of my days making it right with God. I say this somewhat figuratively, ofcourse because God doesn’t wheel and deal.
The salient point is that God answered my prayers 13 years ago and we are still reaping blessings. Today is not just a celebration of Isabel’s birth, it is a testament to the amazing God who hears us and answers prayers.