I recently had lunch with an unlikely colleague. I say unlikely because what transpired between us, while we worked together, was ugly. While I contributed to the ugliness in ways, I acknowledge and ways I simply don’t see, she took significant unparalleled steps against me. It made for a toxic work environment. It had not always been that way between us. In fact, I had confided in her the deep valley I found myself in, and she was like a life raft.
But that turned, and not long after came the betrayals.
I didn’t hate her, she was venomous for sure, but that wasn’t worth cultivating hate in my heart. Even after we had different employers, we still ran into each other. I felt compelled to engage her and wish her well because that is what was in my heart. Not hate. Not the hurt she inflicted. Whatever her motivations in trying to harm me, I chose to forgive her. There were two verses that gave me hope and Light:
Genesis 50:20 “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good….”
Job 23:10 “But he knows the way I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold.”
She invited me to lunch while we attended a meeting and I accepted. As we sat down to eat, she said she needed to tell me something and she needed just to get it out, uninterrupted. She said she was sorry for being an *&%$# and for all the trouble she caused. She said what she did was wrong. Chills fired through me like lightning, and I was in the middle of chewing my sandwich, trying to swallow as I teared up. I took a few seconds to compose myself and looked up and saw her tearing up. I was astonished that she owned all that she had done against me. I thanked her, then apologized for my part in everything. She explained that she was a changed person. I sensed that her apology felt freeing and maybe even healing for her.
For me, the simple fact she owned her ugliness and apologized for directing her ugliness towards me was satisfying. I already knew the truth and had already forgiven her for it. So there was no vindication or feelings of being affirmed. But bearing witness to someone’s change of heart, for the better, is characteristically human and deeply beautiful.
“Create in me a pure heart, O God.” Psalm 50:10
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