In the past, I would believe the negative mind chatter and ruminate on past hurts, reviving the pain. I couldn’t discern what was going on, and I would give these negative thoughts and feelings the presence and room to grow.
Today, I recognize when the “fog has descended,” and it takes a concerted effort to go on putting one foot in front of the other, acting as if all is ok. I fight my impulse to isolate myself and entertain the long dark rabbit holes. I have to force a smile when greeted by co-workers or even loved ones. My ability to do this is not just presence of mind, but turning to my advocate, the Holy Spirit for help. The Holy Spirit provides me an anchor when the fog descends and helps me genuinely connect with others around me. I pray for strength to get through the day and trust that it will be provided. I don’t need to know how or who will be involved; I simply trust that I am not alone in the current valley.
In my effort to connect with my co-workers, I find out that they are a knowledgeable bunch who sincerely believe in the work they do in public health. I thank them for sharing their work and stories with me. I can feel the fog start to dissipate. When talking to other public health nurses from around the nation, they express heartfelt gratitude for the projects I am working on, and I immediately recognize the compliment as a counter to the negative thoughts that crossed my mind earlier. I get a call from my father to update me on family in Puerto Rico. My husband’s grace and quickness to forgive in response to my earlier cold responses remind me how much he loves me. I used to call these little events coincidences or serendipitous. Throughout the day I am anchored, grounded in the reality that I am loved, and I am worthy. Slowly the fog disappears and by the end of the day is gone.
This morning I read Sarah Young’s, “Jesus Calling- Enjoying Peace in His Presence” September 29 devotion and read it over and over again.
“I AM WITH YOU and all around you, encircling you in golden rays of Light. I always behold you Face to face. Not one of your thoughts escapes My notice. Because I am infinite, I am able to love you as if you and I were the only ones in the universe…”
God’s timing is perfect. He gave me an image of golden rays of Light encircling me …a Light that leaves no room for shadows and obliterates the fog. I am reminded of one of my favorite bible verses because it was the one I clung to as a new Christain and one that was quoted in a short video that Our Daily Bread produced (find video here).
“The Lord is my light and my salvation, So why should I be afraid? The Lord is my fortress, protecting me from danger, So why should I tremble?” Psalm 27:1